By Leia Menlove
Mind
Body & Soul Talks with author and garden philosopher Terry Hershey about
his views on how we can maintain our
sanity and our souls in today’s digitally crowded world. Hershey has written
several landmark books for approaching the good life, including Soul Gardening and Sacred Necessities.
It seems that today more women than ever feel that they are teetering on some ineffable, terrifying brink, grasping the 500 corners of their lives with just two, constantly moving, ever-aching arms. What if you could still that vision of yourself? What if instead of a cloud of tasks and urgencies around you, the sense of falling on each side, you could just be still?
“It’s an interesting thing that so often the people who spend their lives caring for others are the ones who most characteristically neglect themselves,” muses Terry Hershey. What he says next seems to describe about half the women we know: women who give too much of themselves and give too little to themselves. “There comes a time when those people find there is nothing left to give.” These, he says, are the ones among us who are hardest on themselves.
If you recognize yourself in this description, you must reorient your thinking. Time for yourself or your needs won’t just happen—you must give yourself permission to stop and just be. Only you, according to Hershey, can give yourself this permission to be alive in the moment.
And giving yourself that permission can allow you to experience each moment of your life, no matter what the activity or task, in a more significant way. Hershey points out the story of a woman who was beginning to find herself.
“Her little boy said to her, ‘Listen to me, Mom.’ and she said, ‘I am listening.’ ‘No,’ said the boy, tugging at her pant leg: ‘Listen to me, but this time with your eyes.’”
Hershey explains that so often we are so frazzled we forget to engage with the things that nurture us and ultimately allow us to keep going.
The problem with the specific idea of balance, according to Hershey, is that it is highly overrated. When people hear the word “balance,” they immediately think, “What do I have to do to achieve balance?” This only makes them more stressed. In our lives, we keep adding technological tools like cell phones and BlackBerry® devices to make our lives simpler. However, they tend to only add to the frustration. It’s the same with this trendy concept of balance.
“There is nothing wrong with organizing your day,” explains Hershey. “But if there is a problem, it’s not about getting your ducks in a row. For instance, you’re missing the issue if you regiment yourself and plan an hour for the children, an hour for the workout, an hour for cleaning and, voilà, now I’m balanced. It’s not about rearranging your stuff or your time. Don’t tell yourself to be balanced because you will beat yourself up.”
Hershey may have a point: This society focuses on women getting our acts together in terms of achievement, time and possessions. We look at figureheads like Martha Stewart and Oprah, and we say, “How on earth do they do that? How do they maintain balance?”
Instead,
Hershey recommends you start exchanging the word balance for passion.
“I believe that if you live with passion and you are at home in your own skin, you’ll feel the sensations of fulfillment that you crave more often. Furthermore, be aware enough of yourself that you can say, “No, I can’t do that today,” as often as you want to.
“Think about something that made you have goose bumps. It made you glad to be alive, and have a sense of wonder,” Hershey says. “If you can tap into that, you know that you are alive there and living passionately. Now it is important for you to protect that space you have just identified.”
Hershey retells a Native American campfire story: An elder tells that within him there exist two dogs. One dog is the dog of business and accomplishment, achievement, productivity, and stress. The other dog is a dog of reflection, quiet, meditation, contemplation and prayer. The first dog is always trying to consume the second: The dogs are always fighting.
Which one wins?
The one that I feed the most, says the elder.
“You can’t take the second dog and organize him. You have to feed that dog,” concludes Hershey.
When your day is facing you and your obligations and pressing needs are crowding the time, try not to ask yourself “How do I balance it all?” but try instead, “Where do I feed the other dog?” Try to recognize that there will always be urgent stuff taking precedence, but only if you let it. Give yourself permission to wait. Capture that stillness that you crave so much with both hands. Let a deadline pass if you have to, says Hershey, just don’t forget to give to yourself, and for goodness sake, feed that other dog.
For more
information about Terry Hershey, visit his website at www.terryhershey.com.